Here's a music video for the song Shine by Collective Soul. I actually have a pretty eclectic music taste, but I wanted to post this song because of the vibe that the melody gives off. I find it calming, yet motivational and uplifting. It's one of my favorite songs to listen to on my morning runs.
Monday, January 11, 2016
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Here's a music video for the song Shine by Collective Soul. I actually have a pretty eclectic music taste, but I wanted to post this song because of the vibe that the melody gives off. I find it calming, yet motivational and uplifting. It's one of my favorite songs to listen to on my morning runs.
Here's a music video for the song Shine by Collective Soul. I actually have a pretty eclectic music taste, but I wanted to post this song because of the vibe that the melody gives off. I find it calming, yet motivational and uplifting. It's one of my favorite songs to listen to on my morning runs.
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Project Feedback: That’s it! You have one of my favorite introductions I have seen. I love the fact you include the reader and you pull them into a story that I would have never thought. Love, love, love it! The inclusion of the reader continues on with your story and I think that’s great, because it makes the feel a part of what is going on. You have the element of surprise and suspense about your story. For some reason I was not expecting you to make the reader a demon (but hey it works!) and I also wasn’t expecting you to end it the way you did. Makes me all the more excited to continue reading, at a later time. I hope that your second part is up soon! The photo’s you chose were relevant to story and really shows the direction you are going in. I was also surprised you made Yama into a character that is truly frightening because in most artistic renditions he is a young handsome man who happens to be a god. They don’t dwell so much on his powers, but you do and I think that shows in the picture you chose.
ReplyDeleteBill,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, great job on this introduction! I like how you spent a great deal of time in describing the scene so that we readers would have a clear image in our heads about what was taking place. The “wow” moment for me was the point where Yama says that he brought your main character to Hell to ask him to take on a mission in order to restore the balance of Karma in the universe. I think this an amazing launch pad for your upcoming stories that allows you to tell as much as you want, but still having a clear goal in mind. I am really interested in seeing what your main character was like in his past life when he was a terrible demon. There are so many possibilities for the abilities that will be restored to your protagonist! I think you did a great job in building anticipation for the upcoming stories and this was a tremendous introduction. I can’t wait to see what you come up with next!
Hi Bill! Just got done reading your “A Karmic Hero” story. What I found was that you came up with a great introduction. It really caught my attention from the start. You started me off in a hall. The way you started me off was interesting because the reader (me) was all of a sudden in a hall turning the corner into a huge fire pit that was sunken into the center of the room. As the story went on you created such a detailed story that in created sort of a movie in my mind. The storyline was very unique because of the amount of detail. I appreciate the details and found it the most interesting part of the story. I have yet to read a story that has provided the amount of details that you have put into this story. Great job on the amount of detail you provided and I look forward to your stories in the future.
ReplyDeleteHey Bill!
ReplyDeleteI was blown away by the introduction to your Storybook!
The second person narrative reminded me so strongly of the "choose your own adventure" books I used to love as a kid, so I was immediately won over by that nostalgia.
The introduction itself started off so interesting, with the level of detail put into describing the setting and the characters. Once you started with the plot, though, I was hooked!
I am so impressed by the amount of thought and work you clearly put into this. Your writing was fluid and easy to follow throughout, and everything came across as very polished. The pictures were great in helping to set the scene!
I really can't wait to see where you take the story next -- I'm so curious as to how the plot develops! To me, this is the best indicator of strong writing. I just want more!
I was pleasantly surprised to see that your storybook is a choose-your-fate type of adventure. I have been listening to a Dungeons and Dragons podcast lately, so I feel like your story fits well with what I have already been experiencing. You do a wonderful job describing the environment. The adjectives you use really paint a picture for me as I read. The introduction does a great job setting up they mystery and suspense, I really felt like I was peeking around a corner, trying to decide what to do next.
ReplyDeleteI assume that a story for the "No" option hasn't been written yet? When I clicked on that option my browser was unresponsive. Hopefully its not just a technical issue.
If I could request a change, it would be that you move the picture of Yama from the top of the page down to where you provide the description of him. That way, I can reference the picture as I build his image in my mind.
Overall, the storybook is off to a great start. I look forward to reading more as you add onto it. It will be interesting to see what direction it goes.
I looveeee the song choice! I have had this song on my IPod (MP3s back in the day, Lol) for ages. Its so catchy and has a great inspirational tone. Its rock, but not so rock that its hard to listen to. So basically classic rock tone, which means it will always be nice to listen to. This is my favorite song I have listened to so far! Great choice. :)
ReplyDeleteBill I love the yes or no option on your page. After I clicked yes, I had to go back and click on no just out of curiosity.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was very much detailed in the scenes and characters that you depicted. I believe the introduction to your storybook is one of the best, if not the best in the class when it comes to the descriptions that you provided, and the producing of imagery for the readers. I love that you made it into a second person narrative. You made me really feel like I personally was a part of the story. I thought the introduction was very fluid and I can tell that you put muck work and thought into this.
My only suggestion would be is to make the font smaller when you source your photos. After each paragraph I read, I immediately read the photo credits, and then continued to reading the rest.
You did an excellent job, and I look forward to continue reading what you add next!
Bill,
ReplyDeleteWho knew you were so creative! This introduction was fantastic! I love the way it was building the scene as well as introducing it. The imagery was on point and made the scene in my head very vivid. I like how it felt like I was actually there, towards the end of the story I was thinking to myself, “No Yama! I don’t want to do this for you!” You are an amazing story teller.
Instead of having nothing happen when you hit the “NO!” button you should have another story, kind of like one of those “choose your own ending” stories. Then you could anger Yama and have some kind of celestial battle take place because the reader chose no. Just an idea.
I am excited to see where your story goes from here and what you are going to do in the future with Yama and the reader.
Great Job!!
Hey Bill! I'm pretty stoked to get the opportunity to check back in on your Storybook now that you've added some more content!
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm such a fan of your creative take on the Interactive Fiction genre. Now that you've written a full story and really gotten some different options included, I am so thrilled by how well-incorporated that aspect is. The funny old school video game references ("It's dangerous to go alone!") gave the beginning of the story a witty, tongue-in-cheek vibe in a meta way, but the overall presentation really serves to provide a level of immersion that is SO fun to experience.
I thought the way you retold the story of Ravana, Sita, and Rama was great. Your editing decisions made the story concise but engaging, so even though we got a short version I still felt like I understood the significance of each event.
Looking forward to more!
Wow, Bill, I just read your storybook, and it is so cool! I had no idea what to expect, but as I read the introduction I became more and more curious. I especially did not expect to interact with the story. I think that is a brilliant storytelling style and you executed it very well. I was wondering if the story changes very much depending on the answers a reader inputs into the question prompts. I can tell that you put a lot of effort into building this story, so it would be cool if you could explain your thought process on that.
ReplyDeleteThe images you have in the intro are a great way to set the tone and setting. I could definitely feel the creepy, mystical feeling of the underworld. My mind immediately went to the scene in the Mahabharata where the Pandava brothers make their way to the afterlife. I bet there are some cool pictures of Yama from there that you could incorporate into your story if it fits.
Awesome job overall. I am super excited to come back for your other stories!
Bill,
ReplyDeleteI cannot even begin to imagine how much time you have dedicated to making this an interactive story. I have never seen a story written in Interactive Fiction style, so it was pretty cool to be introduced to it through your story. The “wow” moment for me was how you made the whole story about each individual reader. I think it is much more personal and engaging if the reader can think about the story as being about them, and you accomplished this very well. I do not know how twine works, so I will just leave out any comments about functionality, but I was wondering if there was any way to incorporate some colors or different backgrounds into the story. If so, I think that could make for an even more stunning and engaging story. I was also very impressed that each choice had a different response from Yama and I am looking forward to seeing how these different choices affect the story later down the line. Great work on your project and I am VERY impressed at your creativity!
(I did my comments as I read as it felt most appropriate for your storybook)
ReplyDeleteWow, first off your descriptions are absolutely immersive. I love your writing and how detailed it is.
Oh dear, I tried to press no, but I suppose yes will have to do!
I love the pictures you have chosen. They really help the feeling of being inside the storybook.
Wow, those dogs sound absolutely terrifying! SO glad they are tightly controlled! Though being so near hell is not so comforting.
Woah! Was not expecting to be told I was a demon. Talk about a plot twist! This is setting up for some really exciting adventures.
Oh dear, not so sure he has the right person if he doesn't even know my name. On another note, I really love how interactive the story is. It must have taken a lot of work but it is worth it! Really makes the reader feel involved in the story.
Oh my, he doesn't even know if I'm a man or woman! What have I gotten into?
Gah! I removed my own head 9 times! That is terrifying! Though I suppose getting them back is nice.
This continues to get more and more interesting. I cannot imagine the amount of effort setting this up took. Well done!
So I have been both a saint and a demon? Interesting past lives. It would be cool to get to hear about some of the past life stories other than that of the demon if you are looking for things to add in the future.
Hmm this is a tough choice to make. I'm going with following in my father's footsteps for this time through. I hope to come back in the future and do other paths though.
Of course there would be no right answer. Nicely played. The weapon sounds interesting as it is both extremely useful and horribly useless.
Overall comments: WOW!!! This is so incredibly creative and really pulls the reader in. I really cannot wait to come back next week and try a different path. I also cannot wait to see what adventures I end up on. I normally try to have some criticism for my comments, but I am still a little in awe of the experience so all I have to say is well done and keep it up.
Bill,
ReplyDeleteI am super glad I was in your group again. If I hadn’t been I would have been her for the extra credit portion. I loved the interaction the reader has with the story. Saying our name, gender, and even having us make choices. This is going to be a very fun Storybook to follow. I would make one suggestion about something I saw while I was reading. You used the acronym, RPG. Not all of your readers will know what that means so I would expand it to role playing game.
I know this is a small thing but it bugged me that the font was a different size than the rest of the story. If I were you I would try to keep it consistent so it looks better.
You have done a really good job on your Story book so far and I am excited to read it more!
Your introduction was so interesting! You did a truly excellent job of making the reader really want to keep reading just to find out what happens with the characters! I've never written something that's so action -packed, but I can imagine that it's really challenging to maintain the reader's engaged interest. Your storybook is definitely one of the most creative that I've read so far, and I definitely want to find time to read more of it over the course of the semester. I also think you did a great job with all of the pictures on your introduction. I tend to use few pictures because it's hard to find exactly what I want to express with them, but yours go absolutely perfectly with your theme. I love how engaging you make your storybook throughout each story by asking your name and actually talking to the reader. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that you have been getting a lot of comments like this one but I really enjoyed the interactive fiction experience that you have created with your story. It caught me by surprise so I think that that also added to the appeal of this technique. It was great that the reader can even enter their own name which can create more of a connection between the reader and the story. I think that you picked a very appropriate narrative to use for this type of story that is based on time travel.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how you will incorporate other Indian epics within your time travel theme. Did you get the idea to do the interactive fiction because you have done something like this before or maybe you are a fan of these types of novels/games? Either way it will definitely set your storybook apart from all the rest, great job.
Hi, Bill!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE how you set up your storybook! I think it is really hard to pull off the second-person narrative for some people, but you have done an absolutely beautiful job. I was pulled in right off the bat with the choice to continue on the first page of your storybook (seriously, nice job on the links—very creative), and I was not disappointed by your introduction! Your descriptions were vivid and complete, making it easy to imagine being there—that is such an important part of a good second-person narrative! I loved the line “Muddy red stains indicate that, although beautiful, the weapon is still quite functional;” it actually sent chills down my arms. The juxtaposition between the scary scene ahead and the comforting feeling within was also great. Honestly, I don’t have enough good things to say about your introduction. It was fantastic!
Oh. My. Gosh! This is the first interactive storybook I have seen, and I love it! What a wonderful way to pull your reader in even more! I laughed out loud at the small section about RPG’s—who hasn’t had a popup asking them if they were a boy or a girl? Honestly, I can’t imagine the amount of work this must have taken you! The writing itself is fantastic, and the interactive interface puts you a step beyond what anyone else in the class is doing. WONDERFUL job!
P.S. Your comment wall rules cracked me up!
Hey Bill,
ReplyDeleteYour descriptions are so vibrant. Really good job painting a picture (and a very creative one, at that) of Yama and the hellhound.
Also, I'm sure everyone is saying this already, but such a great idea with the choose-you-own adventure. I have yet to read another story in the second person for this class. I'm kind of jealous I didn't think of it myself, to be honest. I actually went farther than was required for project feeback jsut because I was curious as to where the story went. So in that regard, you've done better than pretty much any other writer int he class; you hooked my interest and made me feel like I needed to keep reading, that's not easy feat!